It’s conservation week, so let’s get rid of the yellow pages


The Yellow Pages are advertising disguised as a public service.

NZPA / Ross Setford

The Yellow Pages are advertising disguised as a public service.

OPINION: I’ve only ever known a real badass.

Do you know the genre? A hairy back, folds where the head meets the neck, hands like hams and a swede that only a mother could love.

He spent his days eating chicken and egg whites and his evenings pumping iron and stinking like a guy who ate nothing but protein.

Back then, it took a real strong man like this - Johnny Moore had such a friend - to rip a <a class=phone book in two. This would no longer be the case nowadays, especially if the “straw” were removed, he writes. ” style=”width:100%;display:inline-block”/>

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Back then, it took a real strong man like this – Johnny Moore had such a friend – to rip a phone book in two. This would no longer be the case nowadays, especially if the “straw” were removed, he writes.

My boyfriend really looked like a guy who should walk around in wrestling boots and a strongman suit.

Like the old-fashioned strongman, he had a trick for tearing a phone book in half.

Remember this was back when we confused toxic masculinity with virility.

This meant we were all sure his shows of strength were super exciting for the young women in attendance when in reality these beautiful creatures were bored and dreamed of moving to Australia to meet sophisticated men.

A few days ago, I was thinking of my strongman when the Yellow Pages invaded my life.

More like a brochure than a book, it continues to arrive on your doorstep every year no matter how much it smells like a product hardly anyone needs.

Made from pulp, wrapped in plastic, delivered across the country using old polluting internal combustion engines, I wondered how this even existed at a time when we are celebrating Conservation Week with the aim of to feel better about the damage we are all doing to the planet.

But I’m not just here to point out that the Yellow Pages are waste – it’s too easy. No, I’m here to ponder that some of the meager lists are entirely out of date and, it seems to me, are only included to make the thing heavy enough that it doesn’t blow away.

Because let us remember that the Yellow Pages advertise disguised as a public service.

Here’s what happened:

I turned to the Bars section and what caught my eye was a list of a bar I used to own that fell in earthquakes. Eight years later and still listed.

So I took a look at the remaining bars and guess what? A bunch of them were non-existent …

Now I got interested. I went through each list with a big red pen and by the time I got to the end of my math I found that 40 percent of the lists were for bars that no longer existed.

What ? An outdated mode of advertising that we don’t want or need, almost half-stuffed with phantom fill.

I think it’s almost half full of unnecessary glitter left there, so the poor mugs that still advertise don’t see how really thin it would be if it were truly representative of those who choose to be included.

From my top estimates in English, I think nearly half a million tonnes of unnecessary directories are being dropped off across the country every year just in time for Conservation Week.

As someone who works hard to get my advertising dollars as far as possible, I think it’s the existing advertisers who are being cheated.

I challenge Jaune to make sure her directories are correct. And when he explains that we can go online and remove the outdated ads, I say: it’s on Yellow, not us.

Without the straw, what do I think we would see? A phone book so skinny that even pencil-necked geeks would be able to rip it in half at nerd parties in vain efforts to impress lady nerds.

If we want to talk about conservation this week, let’s talk about getting rid of this unnecessary relic.


Calvin W. Soper